Monday, 9 November 2009

The Ebook is the new novel (sort of)

The Ebook is fast becoming the modern alternative to yesterday's novel. Whilst it will of course never replace the printed word; it may become its most hated nemesis. Millions of people get onto the Ebook train when faced with rejections aplenty from traditional publishers who are so laden down with submissions they close their eyes to possible geniuses.

I myself have been trying to submit one of my novels for many months now, and of course it has all been met with rejection.

I decided to make a Ebook of one of my shorter stories which I didn't intend on getting published anyway as it's too short but alas it is a very good story.

Love comes Knocking tells the humourous tale of Ben Dover a big guy with a big heart who in this world of image concious people tries to find the love of his life. He is met with much ignorance from those who cannot see past the blubber and loses himself in date after date after date. However through the darkness is a chink of light where hope will surely come. Will Ben find his one and only? Read on to find out.

If you enjoy reading and want something that is lighthearted as a bedtime story Love Comes Knocking is certianly worthwhile. The first chapter is listed below:

1. Welcome to the City.

If you were to venture one day to the city of Carmago you would find at the heart of the many streets and intersections a coffee shop called Ben Dover’s Café. The café was never short of customers, was almost always filled to the brim with coffee/cappuccino-fuelled fanatics. The popularity of this little café has never ceased to be beaten but alas those that tried have failed and the reason? The man that was behind the establishment of such a fine institution was of course Ben Dover – a big guy with a big heart whose number one priority was his duty towards others. To everyone else a customer was money but to Ben they were royalty - the means to fund his living. And that is why a small coffee shop like Ben Dover’s Café really was the heart of the city.

Adorned with characteristics to suit all, Ben was never short of friends…but his love life that was a whole different story. A sorry one, a morbid, solitary tale that was doomed to failure. In fact it never got off the shelf. All girls ever saw was his almost laughable exterior, his slightly extravagant dress sense and most undoubtedly his weight. Although conditionally unsuccessful in finding someone to love, tonight was a night to romance- he had a date, and boy was he excited.

“So Ben, you’re rather chirpy today, who’s the lucky lady?” Jose, Ben’s best friend commented through his floppy bed head hair.

Ben glanced up from the box he was opening, an unrestrained smile imprinted on his face. He had known José since he was a small boy and they’d grown up together. Be it scraped knees, first loves, broken hearts- they had done it together. He couldn’t withhold what could possibly the most important part instalment in his life so far.

“That good huh?” Jose laughed.

“Well to answer your question Jose, I’d say yes she is. Quite a number really, something fancy to hang off my arm, you get my drift…?” Ben said.

Aiming to bombard Ben with questions, Jose hacked over them in his head. His dark blue eyes roved excitedly as he glanced expectedly at his friend.

“So what’s her name?”

Ben bit his lip.

“Um… Hayleigh I think.”

“You think? When did you meet this girl Ben?”

There was a small silence. Turning slightly scarlet, he uttered his reply.

“About a hour ago on my lunch break, I met her in McDonald’s, she looked a little, well, lost so I said my greetings and she was all over me like a rash… it was like I was a celebrity…”

“So naturally you…”

“Invite her to go out of course.” Ben grinned, finishing the sentence.

Jose rolled his eyes. Ben’s dates were always a case of feeling sorry for people, and generally always ended in tears. Somehow or the other Ben ended up being taken for a ride—a very long, nauseating, almost suicidal ride… Still beggars can’t be choosers.

That evening Ben applied the finishing touches to his outfit. With a checked red and white shirt, black checked trousers and a dashing of cologne he felt the business—all it took was a touch of classiness and he could be transformed into a true gentleman. Hayleigh was going to be so pleased!

Grabbing his mouth freshener, he paraded into the café’s lobby, enjoying his ten minutes of fame from his customers before leaving for the date that could very well change his life. Planning to meet Hayleigh outside the restaurants doors, Ben was slightly amused to see her already standing there; looking slightly on the impatient side…wasn’t it in the daters’ handbook that the lady arrives a few minutes later? Figuring she must’ve had a new version he hurried to greet her.

“Hayleigh! Good evening!” Ben said chirpily.

Hayleigh’s mouth was set in a firm frown.

“Where have you been!? I’ve been waiting ages, I looked such a loner standing here all on my own, I could see all those couples pitying me as they walked past and here’s me thinking I’ve got a date, I HAVE, he’s just STANDING ME UP!”

“What! But we weren’t supposed to meet till 8pm I’m on time, bang on in fact look.” He said, indicating to his watch.

“Argh! You’re so out of date, you should know the gentleman always arrives half an hour early!”

“Do they?” Ben murmured; his face befuddled.

Hayleigh sighed, threw her hands up in frustration.

“Oh forget it, come on let’s get down to it.”

His chirpy grin slipping slightly, Ben followed Hayleigh into the restaurants entrance hall. Greeted at the podium by a waiter, Ben was asked for his name.

“Ben Dover.” He replied.

“Excuse me sir? I asked for your name, not a crude comment. What is your name?”

Mystified Ben repeated himself.

“Sir would you PLEASE tell me your name.”

“Ben Dover!” he repeated calmly.

“No sir, I will NOT bend over! If you carry on these shenanigans I will report you to the manager!”

Cursing the day his mother decided to christen him Ben, he tried to joke through his embarrassment.

“No I assure you I’m not asking you to bend over, my name is Ben Dover,” he said, with as much assurance as he could muster.

The waiter glanced suspiciously at Ben, a judgmental remark plastered on his face.

“Prove it.” He muttered through clenched teeth.

By now the whole episode had lasted far too long, and gathered behind them stood many people, all in their glory clothes, all looking intolerant to wait. Groaning Ben delved through his pockets, fumbling over aged receipts and bus tickets to try and find some sort of identification. Eventually he came upon his bus pass, pulling it out he showed it to the waiter. Reluctantly the waiter nodded, wrote down Ben’s name and led them into the seating area.

“Smoking or non smoking?” he said slowly.

“No smoking please.” Ben said.

“Hey wait I have a part in this too, I want to sit in the smoking area!” Hayleigh piped up.

Ben’s enthusiasm for the night all having dried up, a scowl set to curd cream formed on his lips. An acrid glare enveloping both the waiter and Hayleigh he agreed to her terms.

“Sure whatever, like the date isn’t ruined enough already.”

Sitting down Ben ordered lasagne with a sharp spicy sauce, Hayleigh decided on a salad that would barely feed a hungry rabbit. Sighing Ben decided he had to make something of the date and tried striking conversation.

“So Hayleigh, what sort of things do you like doing?”

“Erm Ben, if that’s what your name is; how could you embarrass me like that? Standing for 20 minutes as you try to sort your stupid name out, and why have a bloody name like that anyway? And I’m stressed enough as it is without that to back it up!”

Ben was gob smacked, could the night get any worse?

Sniffing slightly Hayleigh pulled out a pocket mirror from her handbag and peered cautiously at her reflection, every now and again she would purse her lips, lift her eyes and then frown, cursing at the image.

“Umm Hayleigh?” Ben said.

“Yeah what?”

“Could you please put the mirror down?”

She glanced up, her eyes narrowed—from her expression it was clear she was not impressed.

“You think I’m a ugly goon don’t you!” she accused.

“No, no I don’t you’re lovely, in fact I never got the chance to say it tonight but you look beautiful.”

It was clear Hayleigh didn’t believe a word of it, in her disillusioned state of mind any positive comment meant the opposite. An appalled look imprinted on her face, Ben’s date seemed set to cause a scene. Pushing the table away from her, straight into Ben’s belly, she picked up her glass and waved it about dangerously. Meanwhile Ben looked on, a cagey expression transforming his face. Her behaviour was questionable, what was she going to do?

“Hayleigh…please what’s wrong?” he started.

“How dare you ruin my night out like this Ben, all I was looking for was a bit of companionship and you wreck it all with your pathetic acts and dumb comments. I hope you know what an upset you’ve given me, and when I’m already depressed too! If I ever see you again it’d be too soon, good riddance!” she yelled, throwing the contents of her glass at Ben before storming off.

Equally dripping wet and humiliated, Ben welcomed all revolted glares with many sour returns. He’d gone all out to impress a girl, and what did he get in return? A battered ego and all dignities zapped effortlessly away. What a charity case. A sardonic grin on his lips, the waiter was clearly trying to suppress his laughter.

“Sir, would you like a tissue with that?” he muttered through clenched teeth.

As Ben stared through weary eyes—captured the look of mock on the waiters face—he just snapped. A sensation of searing rage pouring through him, Ben’s face clouded, his eyebrows funnelled together, and his fist burrowed itself into the waiters face.

“Now you can shove your service, and your tissue and your wine where the sun don’t shine!!” Ben screeched.

Meaty, strong arms clamped onto Ben’s as he was pulled off the livid waiter, only to be roughly escorted to the manager’s office. As he was ushered through the crowded dining room, all that had viewed the scene dismissed feelings of repugnance through their glares—sent Ben’s rowdy exterior slinking back into the cage it escaped from as a sorry, apologetic face replaced it. Sure the waiter had wound him up, but hadn’t he been just as hypocritical by hitting the man? Actions speak louder then words and Ben had shouted loud enough for the whole town to hear.

Inside the office Ben sat quietly in a chair, his mind focused on forming a reasonably acceptable apology. As he glanced up from pondering the managers face blared a demeaning sense of incrimination, by the looks of it Ben wasn’t going to be let away with just a warning. Gulping slowly Ben felt the prickles of sweat forming like colonies on his forehead, felt the trickle of anxiety slither down his spine. As the waiter in question entered the office, a triumphant smirk formed on his lips, Ben could feel his rage bubbling up once more.

“So Ben I hear you did this to our wonderful waiters face?” The manager started, addressing Ben.

“Yes I did, but I can tell you it wasn’t without reason!” Ben muttered.

“Is this true Brendan?” the manager questioned to the waiter.

The waiter feigned shock.

“No, no way he came at me like a animal, pushing me to the ground before punching my face in!”

“That’s a lie and you know it is!” Ben shouted.

The manager turned round slowly, his beady eyes settling on Ben’s form.

“A lie? So would you like to explain what really happened?”

“First of all when I came in here with a girl he seemed to think I was telling him to bend over when it was my name! Then when the girl got a little, well, rowdy she threw drink all over me and HE came and sneered in my face, trying ever so hard to force his laughter back. If he had no self control he would’ve been laughing in my face!” Ben muttered.

The manager let out a low chortle, his face set in a sneer.

“So you reckon that’s a good enough reason to launch a savage attack on one of our best waiters? These waiters give you their time, their hours of service and you throw it back in their face by pulling a stunt like this… I think we’re going to have to get the police in to sort this out.” The manager snorted.

“What! But you can’t…”

“Why can’t we? You assaulted a waiter that’s news enough for us.”

“Oh man.” Ben groaned, his face in his hands.

What if he got sent to jail, what would happen to his coffee shop, the heart of the community? It would go down like a block of demolished flats. And so would Ben. Swallowing his pride Ben tried to apologise.

“Please sir, can’t I just give my sincere apology and then we can just sweep this under the carpet?” he said hopefully.

The manager’s eyes gawked at Ben as if he was crazy.

“After an indecent assault against our waiters? You’d be lucky my son. The police are on their way, what they do with you is their own choice.”

“This is outrageous!” Ben yelled.

“You would say that.” The waiter laughed.

Minutes later the police arrived, equipped with handcuffs and a whole dashing of shame.


I am looking for people to read and review my Ebook and let me know what they think. Just email me on

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